My Journey of Self Discovery Feels Good!

Is it so bad that I’m on a journey of self discovery instead of a life of restricting myself from “things” that I abuse? I’m tired of restricting. I’m tired of spending all my energy on making life about things I can’t have instead of focusing on healing who I am. I guess I don’t have to prove myself to anyone, but at least my closest friends and Ezra understand what I’m doing with my life right now. And everyone feels its the best thing.

For the first time in the longest I feel like I have a way. Like, I’m not obsessing about something, and I’m not hopping on the scale and crying about it. And I’m not getting upset if I have that extra snack at night. I’m just trying to live a content and happy life, and even though it just started a few days ago, I’m feeling a LOT better about myself.

I hate this debate about alcohol this and alcohol that. Why does that have to be such the finger pointer thing here? I haven’t drank in 3 days, and I’m taking life slower. I’m not rushing in the morning anymore, because why bother? And I’m not speeding in my car anymore, because life is too short for that. I just want to find peace. I don’t HAVE to believe in God to conform to anyone. And I don’t have to prove myself to anyone.

Honestly if you support me, then support me. If you don’t. Then just delete me, won’tcha? Because I don’t need negativity in my life when I’m trying to be so positive.

My books come today which I’m totally excited about! I know they’ll be left at the front desk at my apartment complex and that’s fine, because there’s no gym today so I get home in time to pick them up. WOO HOO. Then Ezra and I are making Green Bean Spaghetti (green beans in place of noodles, yum), and we’re just going to relax and take the night as it comes.

I haven’t been tempted to drink these last few days. Yesterday I had this sorta twinge after the gym, because I’ve been having a drink with dinner after the gym these past few months (counter productive, I know…). But that’s just because it’s a routine, and even though routines are hard to break.. the feeling of “no silly, you don’t want to do that” was all it took and I was totally fine.

Not sure if its the L-Glutamine that I’m on, but I’ve been sleeping better, and focusing better. It’s only been a few days, but I’m a believer. Then again, I’ll give it a few months.

I’m not trying to give up food or alcohol for that matter. They will find places in my life. But at this time in my life I need to face reality and go through a phase of self discovery without substances altering my thoughts.

Sorry if anyone takes offense. It’s easy to take offense if you don’t believe in what someone is doing. Then again, I apologize but I’m not changing my ways for anyone. I know what I’m doing is right, and what I’m doing is for me.