When it comes to self discovery and a journey, it comes with time, patience, and slowing down a little bit in life. I’m not the type to cling on to a solution and follow it by the books. If I do that, I burn out in less than a few days. Change is scary, for anyone…
I’ve fought battles my entire life. I don’t think I’d know what role to play if I wasn’t trying to save someone or fight to get more. Truth be told, I’m one timid person, afraid of failing, afraid of falling. I’m shy at heart, but I try to “man up” and stand tall because I’m supposed to. It’s exhausting. But with practice, you’ll just become who you’re trying to be, right?
I bought 2 supplements yesterday at the health store. L-Glutamine which is supposed to rock for everything possible. And Kudzu Root, which is supposed to help with alcohol cravings. Not remove them, not solve them, but just curb them a bit. Every little bit helps, right? I’m also taking a vitamin B complex to help the kudzu stabilize in my system property. It’s been a TON of reading on forms to figure out what’s going to even me out. I don’t want doctor prescribed pills, I want natural.. the way nature made it.
My books will be here tomorrow. I’m so freakn excited, I wish I could section out a day and just read and read. I have 3 of them coming, but I get ADD on books and I’ll skim back and forth.
I want you all to know this is NOT AN ALCOHOL problem. It never has been. It’s a problem with me, and my emotions, and what I use to void out those emotions. It’s the same reason I became 300 pounds in the first place. It’s the same reason I use alcohol to become MIA for a while… and I just hate that most of you don’t and never will understand, and want to point a finger at 1 area and say “AH HA! I told you! You have a problem with alcohol!” Not quite sista. But whatever helps you sleep at night.
I’m a complex human being. Daily lives, stresses, relationships, family problems, money problems, problems with lack of interest, problems being sad for no reason, problems not understanding myself, problems trying to understand other people. I can go on for days and days. The 1 substance that I use to void out those problems doesn’t make the substance the problem. They don’t help the problems in my life by any means… but it’s not the rooted issues.
So I dunno, I’ll take this as it comes and try to heal as time passes. I thank those that support me, and those that don’t can really eff off. <– sorry, but I don't need preachers, I need ears, hugs, and friends.
I am still here, and back on the wagon too. **hugs**